"Flirting" is a difficult word to define in the English language, which makes it difficult to understand the concepts behind it. Philosophers the world over have had trouble describing, and therefore teaching the masses how to flirt--it is a difficult process. Here is my attempt: Flirting is one of a few mating practices performed by individuals to build a connection, express interest, and create excitement with each other. Flirting can, at times, be confusing, even for the expert flirt. Flirting is a higher-level form of communication that may incorporate one or more of the following elements: words, ideas, thoughts, body-language, symbols, aromas, or actions.
The things that pass for flirting with one individual can convey the opposite message to another individual, typically because of differences in cultural or social background. The opposite of flirting is being offensive.
I will be breaking the rest of this article into a series of three parts:
1. Flirty Words, Ideas, and Thoughts
2. Flirty Body-Language, Symbols, Aromas and Actions
3. Offensive Flirting
Part 1: Flirting with Words
Flirting with words typically comes in the form of acting, playing, or joking. Individuals assume roles or pretend to be a certain way in order to appeal to the other person's ego or instill a certain emotion. Flirting with words works well when you are not physically present (via text message or otherwise) or when it would be inappropriate to enter someone's physical space. Flirting with words is a good default flirting method.
Some good topics for flirting include: power/control, ability/talent, beliefs/values, or physical traits. Generally, you are either complimenting and boosting them or debasing and deflating them over one of these topics. Sex tends to be a good topic to flirt about because it is interconnected with power, ability, beliefs and physical traits.
Here's how it works, but to make this simple, I've written it into step by step instructions. This isn't meant to be comprehensive but should give you a good start.
Step #1 --Pick a Topic or build on a present conversation topic from the following:
A. Power or Control
Question who is in power, challenge who is in power, tempt their self-control or their influence over the situation, assume that you have all of the power, assume that they have all of the power.
B. Ability or Talent
Exaggerate their abilities, exaggerate your abilities, feign interest in their talents, feign disinterest in their talents, tempt them to show off their talents.
C. Beliefs or Values
Describe a perfect world in which everyone shares their values, describe an imperfect world where no-one shares their values, tease other people for believing differently.
D. Physical Traits
Over exaggerate their physical traits, over exaggerate your physical traits.
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Step #2 --Choose a method for delivery
1. Humor
Present the topic as a joke
[physical] Example: (to someone who is short) "You're very tall, I'm sure you're naturally good at basketball."
2. Acting
Assume a role or persona and pretend unconvincingly
[power] Example: (to someone who is asking for something; act like their personal soldier) "Yes sir! Right away, Sir!"
3. Playing
Turn the topic into a game
[beliefs] Example: Them: "My favorite color is green" You: "I bet we could count how many people in this room like the color green--oh, look, he has a green shirt on, he must love the color.--I count 5 how many do you count?"
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You'll notice that a large part of flirting with words is using exaggeration and blowing things out of proportion in a fun way. Flirting is meant to offer friendly competition, a little resistance, and unpredictable excitement; if you can incorporate those three things into your interaction with people you are interested in you'll see them give an instant interest in you. Confidence is crucial here, even if he/she doesn't laugh at your joke, doesn't recognize that you are acting, or isn't up for playing games, you need to be able to roll right along as though that doesn't stop you or make you weird or awkward.
[Part 2: Coming soon!]
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