Relationship Compatibility

This is my attempt to weigh in on all this talk about "Compatibility."

You hear people talk about their "must haves" with their relationships, including going as far as to mention height, hair color, and eye color. Online sites are notorious for this behavior and some even claim they have algorithms that predict compatibility.

What a bunch of garbage! Everyone is compatible with everyone!

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• Relationships are not rigid. People use words to describe their relationships, they don't use relationships to define words--a cheap way of saying: don't go around looking to make "Friends" or a "Husband/Wife" go around trying to form good relationships with everyone and then describe those relationships using your own words--be original.

• Your "must haves" are really just justifications for not forming a relationship with someone and come down to choices you are making, not choices they have made. When you say that things wouldn't work out with you and another person and then to deny a relationship with them on the grounds that they, "don't believe in god," "aren't a college graduate," "aren't pretty enough," "have tattoos," "don't live the lifestyle that you want to live," etc, you are saying, "I am better than you," "I'm too ethnocentric, racist, prejudice, sexist, or otherwise to have a relationship with you."--This is the definition of a snob and unless you've got all of the relationships you need in life, you had better not be a snob.

• When someone expresses interest in you, they aren't asking you to sleep with them, have their kids, or marry them; they are asking to get to know you (or that they would like you to get to know them). It isn't that difficult to learn something new about someone you don't know--and it's not a bad thing to share things about yourself with someone you don't know. Plus, you have an opportunity to benefit from this other person by trading them what they want for what you want. 

• Whenever someone expresses an interest in you, they are giving you a gift. They are giving you a part of themselves, for free, and they are taking away some of the risk involved in getting to know them. What do you do when someone gives you a gift? Do you take it graciously, or do you throw it away because it's not good enough for you? 

• Lastly, it is impossible to make a decision about whether a relationship would work with someone unless you spend at least a year with them--so when you rule people out based on quick decisions of the moment, you are playing on your own biases and are probably wrong. Don't make quick decisions!

Instead of looking at potential relationships and saying that you don't have time to waste on certain people who don't fit your strict criteria, try looking at life with the attitude, "where can I find a place for you?"